areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
