Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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