i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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