Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
