He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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