i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
