we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
