Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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