just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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