just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm having to shit out rocks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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