I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Boobs speak an international language.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
