Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
