Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
