You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
