One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
