I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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