Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do vagina's smell?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
