I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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