If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
