This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
