Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
