Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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