How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
