She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
