Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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