Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
