i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
