My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Randomize
