You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
