I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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