I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize