My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
