I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
