I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
