I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
