Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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