I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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