i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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