hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
