Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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