I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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