I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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