We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
