Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
