It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
