Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
