I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
