Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
