Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize