If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
