Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
