My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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