I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
