just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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