Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
