Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
