Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
