Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
