I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
