i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
