"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
