Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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