did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
