Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
