is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
