And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
