I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
