you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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