girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
